Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I am one with the molecules
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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