Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
