You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
