It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
