I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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