Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Mom said you looked used
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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