I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
