i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
