i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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