More tranny stories later!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
