I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
