i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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