i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
