im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
