Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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