u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
