Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
