i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
wow bdsm is so cute
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
