would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
