Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
