They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
