I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
