I just saw a hot homeless man
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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