wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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