I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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