Kareoke will never be a sober sport
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
