I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
