I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize