He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
