Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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