Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
