During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
