Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
