would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
