Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
