Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
