he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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