You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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