You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
