Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize