I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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