My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
