remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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