If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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