I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Who died my cat blue again?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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