So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize