Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
