you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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