allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
