She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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