Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There's always time for handjobs
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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