Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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