Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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