I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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