I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
