so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
