She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
