Kiss
Puke
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
