Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I could make wine with my vomit
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
