just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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