Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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