Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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