That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
