I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Randomize
