Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
