glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
